Intoxicated
by Eowyn77
Summary: The first kiss, from Edward's perspective.


I swung Bella up onto my back, and instantly the warmth of her body enveloped me. I could feel her pulse racing — not just hear it or see it, but _feel_ it!

She clung to me with feeble strength. "I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack."

"Hah!" Hadn't she seen me push a van off of her?

Impulsively, I snatched at her hand and breathed in her intoxicating scent. The thirst flared in my throat, but I was distracted by the sheer pleasure that was Bella — her blush, her warmth, her trust, her scent, her feather-light weight. I would never have the pleasure of her taste, but that was an infinitesimally small price to pay when the rest of me could drink her in, day and night, without harming her. Tanya was right — love gave me strength. "Easier all the time."

Then I bolted into the forest. The exhilaration of running mingled with the exhilaration of my love for her. I had never been high while human, and I never suspected a vampire could be — until now. The heroin analogy wasn't too far off. Imagine what her kiss would do!

The rational part of me cringed at the thought, but I disregarded it. That same part of me had dreaded today. If I had listened to it, I wouldn't be here now, wrapped in the exquisite heat of Bella's body. I would have endured needless anguish for who knows how long and broken Bella's heart in the process.

Could I safely kiss her? Longing filled me that surpassed any thirst. If the Denali sisters could be intimate with mortals, then _I_ could certainly control myself enough for a _kiss_.

That beast of a truck loomed in front of me and I stopped, Bella's heart thundering against me. She felt it, too! "Exhilarating, isn't it?"

Her arms tightened even more. It was flattering, but I wanted to be able to see her. "Bella?"

"I think I need to lie down." Her voice was weak.

"Oh, sorry." I had forgotten how much slower human reflexes were. The run had probably been a bit much for her. I waited, but she still clung me.

"I think I need some help."

With a chuckle, I gently pulled her fragile arms off my neck and slid her around into my arms. Only then did I see her sickly pallor. Had I finally revealed too much of my inhuman nature? I carefully set her down on the soft ferns. "How do you feel?" I asked, worried what her answer might be.

"Dizzy, I think."

My shoulders slumped in relief. Racing through the forest had probably just overwhelmed her. "Put your head between your knees." I sat down at her side but didn't touch her.

Her head lolled forward, and her back rose and fell as she gasped for breath. She was so courageous about me being a monster that I kept forgetting how delicate she was — not just in flesh and bone, but in fear. I fought a smile as I remembered her reaction to my driving. Her bizarre affection for vampires aside, the world was a much more frightening place for her than it was for me, and with good reason. I waited patiently while her breathing slowed and deepened. I would have to be more careful with her. "I guess that wasn't the best idea," I apologized.

The faint but growing color on her cheeks revived my own boisterous mood. "No, it was very interesting."

"Hah!" How characteristically cool. I would never believe that act again, not after her reactions to my touch today. "You're as white as a ghost — no, you're as white as me!"

A smile flitted across her lips. I was joking about the fact that I was a demon and she actually smiled! "I think I should have closed my eyes."

"Remember that next time," I answered.

"Next time!" she groaned, and I couldn't help but laugh.

_Next time!_ The knowledge rushed over me. I wouldn't have to distance myself from her anymore. Day after day — and night after night — we would be together. The thought aroused my earlier longing.

"Show off," she muttered, her eyes still closed.

I moved to kneel in front of her, leaning in until the scent made my throat ache again. "Open your eyes, Bella."

Her soft eyelids opened, and her breath quickened again, but the warmth of her gaze assured me it was not fear that filled her now. "I was thinking, while I was running..." I hesitated. This was sure to terrify her — letting my thirsty lips actually touch her.

"About not hitting trees, I hope," she interjected.

I fought the chuckle and lost. "Silly Bella, running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about." Bella was the only one — human or vampire — I would have to explain this to.

"Show off," she muttered again.

The fact that I could — and _wanted_ to — completely drain her body of blood wasn't a big deal. Trees, on the other hand... A thrill ran through me at her unintentional encouragement. "No, I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." Desperately wanted.

Gently, careful to not hurt or frighten her, I let my hands rest on either side of her face. I was instantly aware of her warmth and the catch in her breath. The sound of her racing heart filled my mind, and I hesitated again. Could I actually press my lips to her skin and not bite? Could I keep control when my every sense was enraptured by Bella? One sense, the most deadly one, I could contain at least. Holding my breath, I leaned in. Softly, mindful of her breakable body, I pressed my lips against hers.

I burned where her skin touched mine, the intensity drowning out the thirst like a tidal wave. I resisted the very human desires that gnawed at my will as fervently as I ever resisted thirst. The things those desires urged me to do could be every bit as deadly as my vampire instincts.

To my terrified delight, she met me eagerly, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me closer. I could resist my own desires, but Bella herself... Her hands tangled in my hair. Her moan stirred an unfamiliar ache in my chest.

Her lips parted.

I took a sharp breath.

The monster sprang.

I clenched my teeth together, forcing him back, but Bella still clung to me hungrily. Fighting both the monster and her, I gently pushed her away.

Bella's eyes widened as she stared into my face — the face of a fiend. "Oops."

My desires warred, but neither man nor monster would let me release her. "That's an understatement," I agreed.

"Should I ... ?" Her weight shifted, as though to give me some space, and the monster tensed in anticipation.

No! Do not flee from me as prey — I would follow. "No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please."

Her warmth, her blush, the feel of her pulse — I deliberately recalled them all as I searched her gentle, anxious eyes. I loved her. I loved Bella Swan. Tonight I could go to her bedside as before and lose myself in her slumbering rhythms. What would I hear fall from her lips, now that there were no barriers at all between us? Would I trade her unwavering trust for the mere taste of her blood?

The monster retreated before love, though the thirst burned me still. I smiled. Thirst I could handle. "There."

"Tolerable?" she asked warily, but there wasn't even a flicker of fear in her warm eyes.

Not since that first day had I been so tempted. Tanya's words from that nearly-lethal January came back to me, and I laughed, suddenly light-hearted. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."

She flushed, and I reveled in the ease I felt at the sight. "I wish I could say the same," she murmured. "I'm sorry."

"You are only human after all," I said sarcastically. I'd been a hairsbreadth from killing her, and she was apologizing to _me_?

"Thanks so much," she shot back.

Banter, with absolutely no idea what she'd say next. Bella delighted me beyond imagining, and I all but leaped to my feet. Even more than in the meadow, this moment was a turning point. I'd proved myself strong enough to be more than simply close.

I could love her.

I extended my hand and smiled at the wonder in her eyes. Her warm skin thrilled me as she placed her hand in mine, and I pulled her to her feet. She seemed a bit off-balance still; although with Bella, it was hard to tell sometimes. "Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?"

Her flushed cheeks and skipping heart gave me all the answer I needed. _Not bad, for a beginner,_ I could almost hear Tanya say.

"I can't be sure," she said, gasping slightly, "I'm still woozy. I think it's some of both, though."

"Maybe you should let me drive." She'd been endangered enough for one day.

Her eyes flashed. "Are you insane?"

"I can drive better than you on your best day," I said playfully. "You have much slower reflexes."

"I'm sure that's true," she admitted, and I was still amazed at how cavalier she was about dating a monster, "but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella." I refrained from drinking her blood; I could refrain from driving over fifty miles an hour. Well, I could keep it under fifty-five, anyway. I was sure of it.

She eyed me carefully, then shook her head with a nervous smile. "Nope. Not a chance."

I raised my eyebrows. She had to be kidding me. Her _heartbeat_ was still irregular!

She tried to step around me and all but fell into my arms. I snagged her around the waist and held her against me. "Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive." Even right now, it took more effort than I cared to admit. "I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk," I said and chuckled, remembering how I had compared her to heroin just minutes ago.

"Drunk?" she demanded.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence," I said with a smirk. It felt indescribably good to know the feeling was mutual.

"I can't argue with that," she answered, making my still heart soar. Then she pulled her key out and tossed it away. I easily caught it, and she sighed. "Take it easy — my truck is a senior citizen."

What did that make me? The responsible adult, I supposed. "Very sensible."

"And are you not affected at all?" she fumed. "By my presence?"

Did she really not know? She seemed to grasp the intensity of my thirst for her. Did she not understand that the love was even stronger? I leaned in to kiss her — then thought better of it, brushing my lips against her burning skin, tracing her jaw. The scent rose from her throat, filling my mind and heart, and I flirted with both hunger and thirst as I breathed against her chin. I meant to stop then, but the longing was too great, and I almost lifted my mouth to kiss hers. Instead, I continued back up her jaw, her skin as hot as blood under my lips. I loved her, cherished her, desired her.

She trembled.

With supreme effort, I drew back so that my lips were no longer touching her. Mere words could never explain how thoroughly and devastatingly affected I was. It was hopeless to even try. "Regardless," I breathed against her ear, "I have better reflexes."


End file.
